So I’m working in the bookstore about an hour ago and a weird old man comes in with a bag of cds and says he wants to donate the cds. I say cool, we’ll take them. He then puts the bag of cds down and leaves.

I begin sorting through the cds to see exactly what’s there. When I’m about 3/4 of the way through the bag of cds I pick up a cd and the back side of it is soaking wet.

It is not raining outside.

I’m like what got spilled on this cd?

It didn’t have color or stickiness, just wetness.

I sort of put aside the cd and start sorting the cds again and I suddenly feel that more cds are wet and that my hands are now totally wet and I’m like weirded out and I lift my hand a little bit and sort of smell it and it is a really fucking weird smell. I don’t know what it smells like but it’s like a distinct smell.

I become very unhappy very quickly.

I politely and professionally say to my coworker Josh, “Josh, what the fucking fuck, something fucking gross is on my hands!!!”

Now Josh is my boss and my friend and he is smart and quirky and knows all kinds of weird things. He can fix anything and just knows all kinds of weird stuff. He grew up in rural Colorado.

He came over and sniffed the bag of cds and then said with utter certainty: “Ferret urine.”

What the fucking fuck.

Somebody gave me a bag of cds that were somehow a ferret urine booby trap?

I mean what the fuck. That’s not fair! That’s not supposed to happen. What bullshit.

I got my hands in motherfucking ferret urine!

GAH!