Advice about tumblr:

Never pay attention to your follower count. You do not know what people are thinking or why they may have unfollowed or deleted or any of that. And nothing productive comes from thinking about it. In the words of that space fish in a white turtle neck: it’s a trap.

If you have never been stalked, don’t use those tracking analytics sites. It’s also a trap. You feel like you’re learning something but you’ll just get lost in new paranoid narcissistic questions—at least like a ton of the time.

Never get upset about anything Fred says. He’s messing with you. If you don’t like the way he does his thing, unfollow him. I’ve met him and he’s a good guy. Do not let yourself get all bent out of shape about his opinions when it’s not clear he isn’t just fucking with you.

If you ever feel sad and just need to get a few hearts, don’t post just for the sake of posting. It won’t even make you feel better. Just walk away and do something else. This tumblr world can mess with you. Don’t be afraid to leave it for a bit and come back when you feel sort of clean and independent again.

When you want to post about how annoying other people on tumblr are, probably best to just let that shit go unsaid and wait till the feeling goes away. You can’t post about how other people post and as a result change the way other people post—wait, this post might violate its own advice… Ah, fuck, we’re all human. Deep breaths and shrugs will get us through.

Love y’all.

It’s good for me not to know about like gossip and drama and that shit because I don’t like the part of me that’s so curious and wants to find out about it and have an opinion and think about who is right and all that. Gross. That part of me is a fucking loser. I gotta work on starving him to death.

I scrolled really far back and still can’t figure out what the fuck anyone’s talking about.

I bet Bob Costas is a real freak in the sack.

The Lonely Island — We Use Semicolons Everyday

I love that they made a whole song focusing on this particular rap move.

So I’ve been thinking about the hard G versus soft G in GIF debate.

Here’s the conclusion I came to: I’m switching my pronunciation of the “g” in vagina. I’m going hard g from now on. I’m a hard G man now.

I see Obama’s helicopter flying around DC like twice a day. He’s probably out doing more scandals.

WHAT IF GIRLS HAD A PENIS, THAT WOULD BE CROWDED

If i played the flute I’d play a special one that was like six feet long. That’s fucking show business.

This is kind of the reverse of my last post, but I really love people who just immediately come out and start telling you exactly the answer to whatever question you were thinking about asking. I find that so energizing. You just think to yourself like oh shit there are two of us in this conversation, this is gonna be fun.

Beware of people who ask you questions but don’t listen to your answers.

lastoneinthepool:

Hi guys.

Today is the last day to get the room rates for DCTU June 21-23

ONE MONTH.

Don’t believe the rumors about 100% humidity in the city. It’s only about 93%

Can’t wait to see you

If I went back in time and explained to me five years ago that the term “photobomb” would be invented and then explained to 2008 me exactly what it meant, I would have been like yeah okay but how often does that come up? That’s a word you see a lot?

Then 2013 me would like: Every day.

2008 me: But why?

2013 me: I don’t know, man.

*they kiss*

I have to wake up so early now to feed the horse. I’m really starting to regret getting this thing.

Anybody else going through a thing with Mad Men where you don’t really enjoy watching the show anymore but still believe it is extremely high quality? I feel like I’m now just thinking about how exquisitely it hurt my feelings and made me uncomfortable.